The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
