Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i will never coherently bang her
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
