Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
