sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
