Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
