I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
