Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize