She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
