I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
