so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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