Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
