kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
