we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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