I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
