I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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