That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
