it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
