if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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