the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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