I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
