you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
