i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
