I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
