Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Watching her eat just hurts me
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Couch. On fire.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
