dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
