he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
