Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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