UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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