Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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