One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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