we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
