You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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