You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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