i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
