My Higher Power is John Stamos
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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