Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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