So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
