I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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