Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
