Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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