After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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