I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
