Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she pinky promised me she was 18
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
