I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
