saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
