they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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