Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
