I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
