I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
