Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
