Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
