So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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