i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
