So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
