I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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