Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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