what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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