yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Randomize
