So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
