i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
