I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
3 2 1 whiskey
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
