Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
