Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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