Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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