I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
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