all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Randomize
