Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize