I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I didn't notice because vodka
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
