Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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