You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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