We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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