sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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