He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
