I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
