I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
