woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
