I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
