know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
