You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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