it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
