I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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