He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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