someone threw a dead crab at me
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
