Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
