it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
