you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
