I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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