He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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