how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
