I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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