We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
