Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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