So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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